A Weight Loss Surgery Patient's Pictures and Things

HW: 320ish
Preop Weight : 305.6
Surgery Date: June 1st, 2011
Current Weight: 201.2 8/15/14
Lowest Weight: 180.5 in 11/2012
UGW: 150
Total Loss since Start of Pre-op Diet: 104.4

 

Just a tiny update. 

Dating has been hard on me. I went full force with the trainer and wore my heart on my sleeve. I don’t know how to date —- how does one date? Lol I guess that’s how it is for a former morbidly obese person — I feel like a late bloomer like I should have been doing this is my early 20s not when I’m half way to 28. He hasn’t made the decision to commit to me or not, just waiting. My therapist and I set a time line as to when I will stop dating him if he hasn’t made a move, to protect myself. I’ve been Trying to make adult and mature decisions since I started therapy and I feel much calmer. I like him lots and lots but I gotta think of my well being. 

So, since he’s not ready, I’m taking a couple of my eggs out of his basket and have set up a date with another person next week. He’s a high school teacher, cute right? We’re going to Uchi, this place I’ve been wanting to go to for so long but I definitely cannot afford. We’ll see how it goes. 

Michael and I stopped talking cold turkey about a month after the breakup and it was the best decision we ever made. However, a couple of days ago he called me crying. His new relationship is not working. I tried to be encouraging and offer my sage advice as to why she may be feeling what she’s feeling and why she’s reacting a certain way but it didn’t work. He wants to break up with her. He says he tried to replace her with me, fill the void and that it wasn’t working. “If we would have tried hard enough we would have been perfect” he said. And it’s sadly true, but we didn’t and we won’t. It’s clearly over my feelings are no longer there. He admitted to me that he looked at my Facebook page and saw that I was hanging out with the trainer and I said, there’s nothing there that hints at a relationship. And he said, “I know you Cindy. You don’t hang out with strangers just because. I wasn’t born yesterday” he does know me. He said he was jealous that the feelings are still there.

Just a tiny update.

Dating has been hard on me. I went full force with the trainer and wore my heart on my sleeve. I don’t know how to date —- how does one date? Lol I guess that’s how it is for a former morbidly obese person — I feel like a late bloomer like I should have been doing this is my early 20s not when I’m half way to 28. He hasn’t made the decision to commit to me or not, just waiting. My therapist and I set a time line as to when I will stop dating him if he hasn’t made a move, to protect myself. I’ve been Trying to make adult and mature decisions since I started therapy and I feel much calmer. I like him lots and lots but I gotta think of my well being.

So, since he’s not ready, I’m taking a couple of my eggs out of his basket and have set up a date with another person next week. He’s a high school teacher, cute right? We’re going to Uchi, this place I’ve been wanting to go to for so long but I definitely cannot afford. We’ll see how it goes.

Michael and I stopped talking cold turkey about a month after the breakup and it was the best decision we ever made. However, a couple of days ago he called me crying. His new relationship is not working. I tried to be encouraging and offer my sage advice as to why she may be feeling what she’s feeling and why she’s reacting a certain way but it didn’t work. He wants to break up with her. He says he tried to replace her with me, fill the void and that it wasn’t working. “If we would have tried hard enough we would have been perfect” he said. And it’s sadly true, but we didn’t and we won’t. It’s clearly over my feelings are no longer there. He admitted to me that he looked at my Facebook page and saw that I was hanging out with the trainer and I said, there’s nothing there that hints at a relationship. And he said, “I know you Cindy. You don’t hang out with strangers just because. I wasn’t born yesterday” he does know me. He said he was jealous that the feelings are still there.

These are stats from this year. Today I clocked in at my lowest since 2012 at 205.2. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. 

Yesterday I went to my aftercare appointment and I was dilated again. I made a video on it if you’d like to check it out. Long story short if I dilate one more time they are recommending that I receive a revision to sleeve. Scary stuff ey? 

In other news, I’m dating a guy. He’s a personal trainer, who would have thought that I would be dating a personal trainer? Anyway, I’m feeling like old Cindy is coming back - the insecure one who can’t handle uncertainty. I haven’t felt this insecure since I was 300 banging. I’m trying my best to work through this personal demon. We all know that a confident woman is a sexy one. Well dating is a foreign concept to me. I’ve never actually dated anyone. It’s always been oh I know you and I like you let’s be together. Never the beginning stages of whatever…dating is something I’ve seen on TV where it may or may not become official. I feel like I’m Penny from that one show that got cancelled. I’m scared. I am only dating him. We never agreed to be exclusive. So, it’s all up in the air.

These are stats from this year. Today I clocked in at my lowest since 2012 at 205.2. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

Yesterday I went to my aftercare appointment and I was dilated again. I made a video on it if you’d like to check it out. Long story short if I dilate one more time they are recommending that I receive a revision to sleeve. Scary stuff ey?

In other news, I’m dating a guy. He’s a personal trainer, who would have thought that I would be dating a personal trainer? Anyway, I’m feeling like old Cindy is coming back - the insecure one who can’t handle uncertainty. I haven’t felt this insecure since I was 300 banging. I’m trying my best to work through this personal demon. We all know that a confident woman is a sexy one. Well dating is a foreign concept to me. I’ve never actually dated anyone. It’s always been oh I know you and I like you let’s be together. Never the beginning stages of whatever…dating is something I’ve seen on TV where it may or may not become official. I feel like I’m Penny from that one show that got cancelled. I’m scared. I am only dating him. We never agreed to be exclusive. So, it’s all up in the air.

21 pounds

I weighed in at 205.7 today.

I feel much better emotionally and I feel great that I’ve lost weight. I’m eating now lol so everything looks to be on the up and up

Today I stand

At 211.7 lb. 15 pounds down from the first Monday in June. I should be happy and overjoyed that I’m steps away from Onederland again. However, I am not. I haven’t lost this weight the correct and healthy way. My diet has consisted of 10 Doritos, 5 Pringles, 3 spoonfuls of beans and nuts for the past couple of days.

Culturally, depression is taboo. Who has that made up illness, just get over it. They say. Today I woke up with my heart in my throat and I had a legit panic attack. Nothing triggered the feeling but my thoughts gave it more fuel. I laid on my bed debating if I should call in or not, but I went into work. I was crying and just not being well. I office with our psychologist so she said just to try walking or a mild antidepressant. So, it took me a couple of hours but I grew the balls to call my PCP. tomorrow I have an appointment for antidepressants and that within itself kind of shames me, but why? Because Hispanic culture says it to be so? I already go against most cultural norms like not having a child or not being married at my age. So why does this feel humiliating?

I can’t cope. I need help.

Lowest

Today I’m 216.8

That’s the lowest weight I’ve been since restarting this tumblr. Because I feel like the lowest. I can’t even handle it. I feel like I’m going to break down at any moment and shrivel up and die.

Today is another day

I’m feeling really down. And I feel like my band is reflecting upon my sadness. I have like the feeling that my stomach is turning inside out and coming out through my throat. Food has been difficult.

Today’s weight is 218.7