A Weight Loss Surgery Patient's Pictures and Things
Preop Weight : 305.6
Surgery Date: June 1st, 2011
Current Weight: 201.2 8/15/14
Lowest Weight: 180.5 in 11/2012
Total Loss since Start of Pre-op Diet: 104.4
I’m walking through fire and I’m not sure if I can handle. How long will it take? So many things, so many hurdles, so many bruises, so many hits to my heart. I’m struggling and I’m scared.
I stopped dating Alex. It took every fucking thing in my body to do it. My therapist told me if wasn’t a good idea to date him and yeah…she’s right. I deserve more, but I was clouded by emotional reasonings and the fantasy of what could be. I know…I KNOW it was best to let go, but days like today make me feel empty. And there I go again with emotional reasoning.
Dating is insane! And the whole experience was necessary but I think I’m done. I’ve been soured. I’ve deleted my profiles, and my eharmony is about to expire.
I want to take the time to focus on myself. I want to get back on track and finally reach goal weight. I’m giving myself a year.
1. Reach goal weight
2. Lift 100% more weight in crossfit
3. Get my mile time under 7 minutes (dare I say 6 min)
I need to go back in for an adjustment. I guess I should call. Lol
I weighed in at 205.7 today.
I feel much better emotionally and I feel great that I’ve lost weight. I’m eating now lol so everything looks to be on the up and up
At 211.7 lb. 15 pounds down from the first Monday in June. I should be happy and overjoyed that I’m steps away from Onederland again. However, I am not. I haven’t lost this weight the correct and healthy way. My diet has consisted of 10 Doritos, 5 Pringles, 3 spoonfuls of beans and nuts for the past couple of days.
Culturally, depression is taboo. Who has that made up illness, just get over it. They say. Today I woke up with my heart in my throat and I had a legit panic attack. Nothing triggered the feeling but my thoughts gave it more fuel. I laid on my bed debating if I should call in or not, but I went into work. I was crying and just not being well. I office with our psychologist so she said just to try walking or a mild antidepressant. So, it took me a couple of hours but I grew the balls to call my PCP. tomorrow I have an appointment for antidepressants and that within itself kind of shames me, but why? Because Hispanic culture says it to be so? I already go against most cultural norms like not having a child or not being married at my age. So why does this feel humiliating?
I can’t cope. I need help.
Today I’m 216.8
That’s the lowest weight I’ve been since restarting this tumblr. Because I feel like the lowest. I can’t even handle it. I feel like I’m going to break down at any moment and shrivel up and die.
I’m feeling really down. And I feel like my band is reflecting upon my sadness. I have like the feeling that my stomach is turning inside out and coming out through my throat. Food has been difficult.
Today’s weight is 218.7
I woke up to battle Houston traffic to get a fill today up .5 to make it a total of 4.5 ccs in my band. I was down 3.5 pounds from my last fill so that’s something. I’m currently 219.3 on my scale.