A Weight Loss Surgery Patient's Pictures and Things

HW: 320ish
Preop Weight : 305.6
Surgery Date: June 1st, 2011
Current Weight: 201.2 8/15/14
Lowest Weight: 180.5 in 11/2012
UGW: 150
Total Loss since Start of Pre-op Diet: 104.4

 

Am I better off bursting or breaking?

I’m walking through fire and I’m not sure if I can handle. How long will it take? So many things, so many hurdles, so many bruises, so many hits to my heart. I’m struggling and I’m scared.

I stopped dating Alex. It took every fucking thing in my body to do it. My therapist told me if wasn’t a good idea to date him and yeah…she’s right. I deserve more, but I was clouded by emotional reasonings and the fantasy of what could be. I know…I KNOW it was best to let go, but days like today make me feel empty. And there I go again with emotional reasoning.

Dating is insane! And the whole experience was necessary but I think I’m done. I’ve been soured. I’ve deleted my profiles, and my eharmony is about to expire.

I want to take the time to focus on myself. I want to get back on track and finally reach goal weight. I’m giving myself a year.

1. Reach goal weight
2. Lift 100% more weight in crossfit
3. Get my mile time under 7 minutes (dare I say 6 min)

I need to go back in for an adjustment. I guess I should call. Lol

ONWARD.

21 pounds

I weighed in at 205.7 today.

I feel much better emotionally and I feel great that I’ve lost weight. I’m eating now lol so everything looks to be on the up and up

Today I stand

At 211.7 lb. 15 pounds down from the first Monday in June. I should be happy and overjoyed that I’m steps away from Onederland again. However, I am not. I haven’t lost this weight the correct and healthy way. My diet has consisted of 10 Doritos, 5 Pringles, 3 spoonfuls of beans and nuts for the past couple of days.

Culturally, depression is taboo. Who has that made up illness, just get over it. They say. Today I woke up with my heart in my throat and I had a legit panic attack. Nothing triggered the feeling but my thoughts gave it more fuel. I laid on my bed debating if I should call in or not, but I went into work. I was crying and just not being well. I office with our psychologist so she said just to try walking or a mild antidepressant. So, it took me a couple of hours but I grew the balls to call my PCP. tomorrow I have an appointment for antidepressants and that within itself kind of shames me, but why? Because Hispanic culture says it to be so? I already go against most cultural norms like not having a child or not being married at my age. So why does this feel humiliating?

I can’t cope. I need help.

Lowest

Today I’m 216.8

That’s the lowest weight I’ve been since restarting this tumblr. Because I feel like the lowest. I can’t even handle it. I feel like I’m going to break down at any moment and shrivel up and die.

Today is another day

I’m feeling really down. And I feel like my band is reflecting upon my sadness. I have like the feeling that my stomach is turning inside out and coming out through my throat. Food has been difficult.

Today’s weight is 218.7

Fill this mornin’

I woke up to battle Houston traffic to get a fill today up .5 to make it a total of 4.5 ccs in my band. I was down 3.5 pounds from my last fill so that’s something. I’m currently 219.3 on my scale.